As I sat this morning pouring over e-mails, checking a few things online and trying to patiently wait for the Docs’ office to call back (no I am not sick), the lawyer to call back (no I am not “in trouble”), I could slowly hear the mounting wheel of “worry” cranking in my head.
I had productive moments, but finally it was time. Off went the computer and on went the running shoes!
I had to laugh as I chose to listen to a podcast for this run; what to my listening ears did I hear… “do not be anxious about anything…” well let’s just say by the time my ears perked up, this was what James MacDonald: Walk in the Word was breaking down!
I didn’t think I was being anxious this morning, but I was. I don’t think I am a person who worries it is uber unproductive and so damaging! But I admit I haven’t always been this way. I have wrestled with the wooly worry monster before and at times feel I have tamed the beast somewhat. My running partner (God) knows when to push me if I am getting antsy and He needs to get my attention.
As James was breaking these 6 little words down I listened and pounded the pavement. As I got in the groove it was like each step was a letting go. Letting go of what I know I have no control of. Letting go of others time tables, my own. Letting go of the guilt. Letting go of the letdown. Letting go of the moment. Letting go of the past. Letting go of the unknown, trusting in God who does know the future, and knows what I need more than me.
One thing that he said, and I am paraphrasing; the more you are worrying, being anxious, the less you are probably praying! WOW, if that had been an arrow I would have been splat in the snow… which would have been another spin and rabbit trail on which I would ramble.
James hit on another point that I pray people get! Anxiety and worry make you sick! As a nurse I see it play out in the obscure but real illnesses. It comes out in all kinds of nasty illnesses, virus “flu,” IBS, hypertension, ulcers even cancer. Not to mention psychological issues in which… I think of all the medications that people take to treat these issues!
I don’t think any of us consciously choose to worry, but WE CAN choose not to! We can learn to let go, we can learn to pound it out on the pavement, pray over it, give it to God. Often the cause of the anxiety won’t go away, but our view of it will.
Think of anxiety like super glue that will muck you up! Don’t let it clog your gears, get you stuck. Let it go! It’s a process, don’t expect it to go away easy, but it can happen!