Wednesday… Wondering and Wandering

First my disclaimer. I have been absent, silent, in my mind I have shared a dozen blogs. Some funny some introspective, all in my head. Today I cut loose!

Recently I found myself reading a book and the guy was talking about some of the reasons we don’t move forward with dreams. One being that we are seeking perfection. The reality being that my perfection doesn’t match yours etc. How true this is when it comes to blogging/writing for me. I ask myself why do I write/blog? Do I do it to entertain? Do I think I have something to say? Well yes, but don’t we all. I think the reason I really write is because “I need to.” Maybe it’s the being single and somewhat of an introvert. Whatever the reason, I need to write and I think I need to be “okay” with the mistakes, yes even the grammar mistakes that make my Mom and sister-in-law cringe. I need not to “self edit” so much, because really aren’t we all looking for a little more honesty and less fluff?

So fueled with this delicious quick-lunch

hummus salad pizza YUM!
humus salad pizza YUM!

I venture into a little of my thoughts of late.

I am no different from many the last few weeks I am sure. Once the first of November hits, the wheels crank up in lives and we get busy, even as the temperature lowers and all of the rest of nature seems to go to rest.

Thanksgiving is one of my most favorite times of the year. Being with family, eating, playing cards… just being together. I knew this year would be different. Dad had been gone since August, and well everyone always says the “first” things are always the hardest. Yea, well no. I mean yes it was hard not having Dad make turkey noises, sit in his recliner and watch endless  hours of “A Christmas Story,” share a simple prayer “be with us and guide us”

Last Christmas... in all it's glory!
Last Christmas… in all it’s glory!

but it was more the little things. The first are hard, but it’s the everyday that gets me, or the moments when a light flickers, or some other electrical glitch and you think… “gotta tell Dad … crap, I can’t.” Ya, those moments.

In those moments I remember how great a family I have. How even though we don’t talk about the “absence” we live on in the memories. We try to keep the traditions, and build new ones… and well, we run the race that has been set before us.

My crazy loving, trotting family!
My crazy loving, trotting family!

Sure Christmas will be another hard one… maybe. We will do our thing, the traditional things. We will remember Dad, and miss him wearing the red or green sweater as we head out to Christmas Eve service. I will miss his voice singing, as he holds hands with Momma. We might watch A Christmas Story, laugh, cry and remember. Best of all, we will celebrate the reason for the season. We will celebrate that time long ago when Christ came as a babe, came to save this crazy, ugly, mixed up beautiful world to save us. The best part… because He did that, lived a blameless life, died and rose again, well because of that great gift, I get to see my Dad again. I get to live out with hope, joy and the knowledge that my Dad lived well, believed well and lives on.  So this Christmas, this time of first with an empty spot in our family, I choose joy, peace beyond some people’s understanding.

I hope you too, may know the peace, joy and hope of Christmas


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